Talk about an ass whuppin! I should have known something was amiss when Bert and I went to the visitor's center at Government Canyon State Natural Area to pay our fees for use of the park.
The two ladies at the check out counter smiled and said "$6.00 please". As I handed them my money, one of them said I would have to fill out a Day Use Trail Permit. She handed me a pen as well as the form and I noticed it was in triplicate.
Being naturally inquisitive, I asked " Why is this form in triplicate?"
"Well Honey" she said, "the green copy you leave on your dash board, the white copy you leave in the box at the trail head."
"OK" I said, "what about the pink copy?"
"Honey, the pink copy you put in your pocket."
"Why?"
"So we know who you are in case we find you on the trail."
"But wouldn't I know who I am?"
"Sure, but not if you're unconscious."
"Uh, thanks."
So began my Journey of Hell....
Mirrors may lie, but mountain bike trails that continue to ascend into the sky do not. I AM SEVERELY OUT OF SHAPE! There, I said it. No longer can I kid myself that 230 lbs is just 10 lbs I have to lose.
After a near out of body experience half way up the FIRST hill, I was about to have a heart attack. Bert, who is 35 and in good shape, would look over his shoulder, and if I wasn't in sight, he would stop and wait; bless his heart.
I thought I was on top of my game. Never having visited said Government Canyon, I did my research online. I found maps of the park; I even scoped it out on Google Earth. Much to my demise, neither accurately reflect the topography of the region we were about to traverse.
The trail started off fairly easily. A few loose rocks here and there, but after a mile or so, it started going uphill and uphill, and uphill....My neck was starting to hurt because I kept looking up so much.
At one point, I was huffing and puffing so much, that when I hit a patch of rocks that were bigger than my head, I decided to dismount and push the bike up the trail. The pictures I will attach will not do this hill justice. Now keep in mind, I said hill, not MOUNTAIN.
Can you imagine the crazies in the You Tube videos who ride MOUNTAIN trails? Wait, most of them are barely old enough to shave, so I shouldn't feel too bad.
Anyway, long story short, I didn't die. I had to walk a third of the trail going up the hill, but I DID IT. Bert was very supportive, saying I did a good job and he needed 20 breathers along the trail any way. I knew he was lying, but I didn't feel like making his ass walk home, so I went with the flow.
I may add more about the ride at a later date, but my brain is cramping now. Seriously, I don't remember when I was more tired than today. If it is any consolation fellow 40 somethings, I DID try to represent. I DID survive a 3 hour trail ride through some of the most challenging terrain I have ever ridden. McAllister park this AIN'T!!!
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